He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
