perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
