dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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