why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
