nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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