The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
