16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
