What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
