I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
