I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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