I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
