We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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