You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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