I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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