Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
