Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
