You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
