If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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