Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
