I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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