Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
