Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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