So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
