i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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