nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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