We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cockslap morals
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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