Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
