using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
