i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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