Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize