You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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