the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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