What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
