If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
