enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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