i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
