PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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