it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
