Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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