the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
