The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
