somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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