i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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