checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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