Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize