I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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