i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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