My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you traded sex for a burrito?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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