Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize