I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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