I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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