how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
