Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
