I accidentally had phone sex last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my being single is dangerous.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
