insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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