I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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