Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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