bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
