we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
