Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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