Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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