Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
