No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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